Over the past two years I've told myself many times I was not going to waste any more time on Justin, but in all of those instances I never could bring myself to take that final step of really letting him go.
I just did that today. I told him we can no longer be friends. As expected, he played a position of "strength," saying, "Okay." Then he asked, not very forcefully, for an explanation. I told him I didn't feel good about our relationship; that I'd always want more and that he would never give it to me; and that I've felt pretty good during these last two weeks when he's been too busy to hang out. While we were driving back to the office afterwards I went over in my mind what the deeper reasons are: his narcissism, the way he's treated me poorly, his complete lack of empathy, and decided at each point that it was not important or helpful to share any of this with him.
I did shed some tears as we drove back in silence and I realized that even in this moment I was the one in pain, and I knew that I could not have done this had it not been for the fortuitous two week break in our contact. I feel so much lighter now that going up to sit at the front desk all afternoon is a relief.
I hope this time it sticks.
